My future wife gave me my first computer, a Mac Plus, in 1983 and I’ve never strayed from the Apple family. Because I’m computer-dumb, I’m always having problems and the cleverer of my two sons has to rescue me from time to time. I currently own three computers viz. an eleven year-old desktop iMac, an Apple G4 laptop of the same vintage passed on to me by my teenage son, and a MacMini that I got for Christmas last year.
I started writing the 5th edition of my book several years ago and it is only now almost complete. I use Adobe PageMaker on my iMac mainly because it has such a brilliant indexing tool. I looked at InDesign but decided that PageMaker, although the predecessor of InDesign, had a much better indexing tool. The only advantage InDesign had over PageMaker was vertical justification but I decided that I could not face a whole new learning process, so, although useful, I could live without it. But PageMaker won't work on my MacMini.
Recently, I’ve got nervous about the age of my iMac and feared that it might give up the ghost. Fortunately, everything is backed up in Dropbox which, I suppose, must exist somewhere up in the sky or in the bowels of the earth. Yesterday, my worst fears were realized when I discovered that the iMac had not fired up at the appointed hour. I shook it but nothing rattled. I wondered whether it had run out of fuel, but this particular model lacks a petrol gauge so I was unable to tell. My clever son looked at it, shook his head and said ’Bad luck, Papa, it's dead, kaput and finished’.
But I would not give up. I tried comforting it in a fleece blanket and whispered words of love in its ear. I offered it strong drink and sweetmeats but it remained obstinately unresponsive. As a last resort I left it overnight in the airing cupboard to keep it warm.
I’ve long been aware that computers have no wires, apart from the connection to the power supply, so they must work by black magic. How else can I receive instant messages from my wife who is presently in Texas? So I decided to sacrifice an animal as an offering to the gods of the computer. The children tearfully begged for the cat to be spared so I listened to their entreaties and set a mouse trap. Early this morning I found a dead mouse in the trap so I hurried to the airing cupboard, retrieved my pleasantly warm computer, reconnected it to the electricity supply and it instantly fired up and is working perfectly.
I promise you that everything in the previous paragraph is the gospel truth. On at least four previous occasions this computer has failed to start and each time I’ve put it in the airing cupboard overnight and each time it worked as soon as it was reconnected.
I’m passing on this homely advice especially for the benefit of Lyle and Captain Paranoia.
Happy New Year everyone!
Hugh
The pursuit of accuracy should not be confused with pedantry. Horace